


Batman Hates Field Trips

by quiet__tiger



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Crack, Gen, justice league - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-22
Updated: 2017-04-22
Packaged: 2018-10-22 18:53:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10703028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quiet__tiger/pseuds/quiet__tiger
Summary: A trip off-world results in Batman in a bind.





	Batman Hates Field Trips

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: "Web."
> 
> Originally posted to Livejournal Nov. 2nd, 2011.

Batman hated off-world missions.

Fighting supervillains was hard enough on Earth, let alone strange planets.

Strange planets that had strange side effects on his friends.

One second he was showing Superman a strange fushcia-colored rock, and the next Kal was transforming, sprouting legs and fangs, ripping through his costume, and Batman found himself wrapped up in thick webbing.

Not only wrapped up, but hanging upside down while Superman—man-sized Super _spider_ —happily spun a huge web.

The “happily” part was conjecture, but seemed to be pretty accurate, if the peculiar humming was any indication.

“Superman.”

No response from the spider.

“Kal.”

Nothing but more web spinning.

Not only was the situation embarrassing, awkward, and unfortunate, it was also dangerous. The Justice League was on this planet for a _reason_ , and everyone had teamed up for simple reconnaissance before strategizing against the alien threat, and Batman could be discovered any second.

Trying to wriggle free from the webbing, it took a moment for Batman to realize something had changed. The Superspider wasn’t humming, and it wasn’t weaving. It was instead climbing slowly in his direction. Multiple eyes and fangs inched closer towards him, looking at him hungrily.

_This was extremely not good._

Batman wriggled harder.

Just as Superspider’s front legs reached Batman, a laser blast shot through the webbing behind the spider, causing it to startle. Realizing what was happening, Batman ordered, “Stop firing! That’s Superman!”

No more laser blasts followed, but a confused Flash asked, “Huh?”

“Kryptonite. New kind. Apparently causes metamorphosis. We can discuss it more thoroughly after you _get me down._.”

~*~

Fortunately for all of them, the effects of the fuschia Kryptonite wore off by the next day. Superman avoided Batman as much as he could, until Batman forced a confrontation in between battles.

“It’s okay, Kal. You can’t help what Kryptonite does to you.”

“But I was going to _eat_ you!”

“Drink me.”

“ _Whatever_.”

“But you didn’t.”

“But I _wanted_ to. And I couldn’t help it. It was just part of what I was for that time.”

“Don’t worry about it.”

Kal looked so earnest as he asked, “Are you sure?”

“Yes. Considering how often you’ve almost heat-visioned me to death, I’m fine.” Now Kal looked even more sheepish, and Batman couldn’t take it anymore. “It’s fine. Let’s just do what we came here to do.”

“Sounds good.” Kal nodded in determination, and they joined the rest of the team.

And almost got fried by Green Lantern as he lost control of his powers. “This stupid atmosphere is screwing with my ring!”

Batman _really_ hated off-world missions.


End file.
